When parents are getting a divorce, whose needs should be more important—those of the parents or those of the children? When parents divorce, their child custody plans are supposed to put the “best interests of the child or children” first. Children’s needs change as they grow. Unfortunately, the way the child custody schedules are they don’t always take this into consideration. The children often feel helpless by denying them any say over the arrangements that govern their lives.

Most divorces involving children includes a plan that dictates where the children will live and which days they will spend with each parent. The legal agreement that they reach usually will stay in place without change until their child (children) reach 18.  In reality a custody agreement that meets the needs of a toddler is unlikely to be right for a teenager. Leaving children voiceless and powerless to meet their own changing needs, or burdening them with guilt if they try to do so, is in no one’s best interest. By the time a child is seven—the age of reason generally agreed upon—they should be recognized as the experts on their own lives.

All parenting agreements should be subjected to a mandatory binding review every two years. It should include the child or children to speak privately with a mediation-trained attorney. The conversation should be recorded to protect the child and to ensure that the child was not pressured or asked leading questions. Their wishes should be honored.

Of course, even after listening to children, the success of custody plans has to be evaluated. An assessment needs to be done on how the child (children) is functioning at home, at school and with their peers. If a child is failing in any of these areas, then it is time to consider changing the plan.

Unfortunately, children’s rights are still routinely ignored and very often they become the pawn of one or both parents  in the divorce process.