If you wait until it does happen to you and the divorce process has started, then it may be too late.  The key to a successful outcome, whether it’s through a settlement or litigation, is being prepared. The more prepared you are and the more knowledge you have, the better chance you have of a successful outcome.  You need to do some research and take some precautions at the beginning of your marriage. Let ”The Divorce Survival Guide for Women” be your guide.  It is chock-full of information on divorce.  Knowledge is the key to success, knowledge is power.  www.preparefordivorce.com

Different forms of jealousy are:

—Cute jealousy is when your husband or wife is suspicious if you go out with the girls or guys.

—Healthy jealousy is when your husband doesn’t like you going out with a bunch or guys or when another man is flirting with you.

—Obsessive jealousy is when aggression or violence accompanies the jealousy. This is when the jealousy has gone too far.  It can end up in an abusive relationship, which is never okay.

The good news is that in most cases overcoming jealousy in a relationship is possible.  But no one should stay in an abusive relationship.

1. Using Facebook or any social media sites.  Close your accounts until your divorce is finalized. Anything you say on them can be used against you!

2. Using Twitter. Do not tweet during your divorce. Anything you tweet can be used against you!

3. Texting. Every type of electronic communication—which includes emails—can easily be accessed and used against you.

4. Dating. You have plenty of time to date when your divorce is finalized. Depending on the state in which you are divorcing, dating before your divorce is finalized could jeopardize your case.

5. Online dating services. Do not join an online dating service until your divorce is finalized.

6. Snooping. While it is tempting to snoop on your husband, be very careful. Learn your rights and what is and isn’t allowed in your state before you do something foolish. But you need to stay vigilant because your husband may be snooping on you!

7. Shopping. Shopping is a feel-good therapy, but think twice before you do it during your divorce. It can be used against you—especially if you are a woman!

But, even today, divorce is more likely to hurt women. They are still the ones who typically give up their jobs and careers to focus on raising the children. Even when they do not give up their jobs, the responsibility of raising the children is still theirs.  Returning to jobs after a long absence can be difficult, if not impossible. Older women, particularly, find it very difficult to find a decent job.  For every man paying alimony there is an ex-wife who got the short end of the stick. After a long-term marriage, a divorced man’s standard of living goes up, while the woman’s go down.

Many states are creating commissions to study the state’s alimony laws. Some people feel that the laws have to be rewritten to make them more equitable. Activists are setting up “Alimony Reform” groups. They are, by the way, in the minority.

Find out who the top five attorneys are in your city who have a reputation for making a divorce a nightmare for the opposing spouse.  You will not want your husband to be able to hire one of them.  You need to make an appointment with each of them—being careful how you pay for the consultation so you don’t alert your husband that you are contemplating a divorce. Give each attorney as much information about your case as possible. By giving each attorney all the details about you and your marriage, you are creating an attorney-client relationship—so that he will be prohibited from representing your husband, even if you don’t hire him. This is called “conflicting out an attorney.”

Some people feel they must immediately fill the void of a partner in their life—while there are others who relish the chance to live alone. Most men seem unable to live alone—while most women love it! Women, once released from marriage, seem to feel that it would be an act of madness to go back to being a caretaker.  They love not having to get permission to buy something; they love not being judged and not being critized. They love making their own decisions without someone always looking over their shoulder. They love their independence. And, living with a man is a lot of work. Men don’t like living alone because there is no one to take care of them. There is no one to look after them, to feed them or to care for them if they are sick.

Living alone means the freedom to come and go and to do just about anything you please. Living alone means freedom, personal control and self-realization. Living alone no longer suggests an isolated or less-social life. Living alone encourages more, not less, social interaction. In fact, living alone can make it easier to be social because single people have more free time. Living alone may very well be the more desirable way of living.

More people are living alone than at any other time in history. In many American cities—Atlanta, Denver, Seattle, San Francisco and Minneapolis—40% or more of all households are single. In Manhattan and in Washington, D.C. one in two households are single.

The best divorce advice is to let yourself heal before getting involved in a new relationship. It doesn’t happen overnight.

In the absence of legislation in most states, putting a GPS device on a spouse’s car, or hiring an investigator to do it, is widely considered to be legal if the person placing it shares or owns the car. You can have your car checked to make sure your spouse has not attached one to it—and remove it!

If your financial situation changes or other things change, you can replace the prenup with a postnuptial agreement. If you don’t have a prenup or a postnup agreement, then you will end up in court having a judge decide on the crucial issues of your life, including the division of property.

More than one-third of adults said prenups make smart financial sense, according to a recent Harris survey. “The time to plan for a divorce is not when you’re in a state of hate,” says Suzie Orman. You can’t fully protect yourself against a marital heartbreak, but at least you can protect your assets.

“Exhibitors and experts in fields such as legal, financial, child psychology, health, wellness, and more will be on hand to provide information and smart options. Plus, celebrity guest speakers, book signings, makeovers, dating advice, career counseling, and  ‘how to’ workshops.” Learn how to “Keep the cost of your divorce down; Minimize the impact of divorce on your children; Build a community of professional and personal support; and Reinvent yourself after a divorce.

While anyone going through or contemplating a divorce needs divorce advice and divorce info—a divorce expo commercializing divorce seems to go a little too far.  Divorce is sad under any circumstances.  This is a sad commentary on today’s world.

1. Vermont: Couples have to have lived apart for at least a year in order to file. After filing they have to wait a minimum of three months to get a divorce;

2. Rhode Island: Has a low divorce rate and a long divorce wait;

3. South Carolina: A one-year separation before filing for divorce;

4. Arkansas: Has the longest waiting period of all before filing for divorce—an 18-month separation;

5. California: Residency for six months and a wait of six months after filing;

6. New York: Getting a divorce is expensive;

7. Nebraska: Residency of one-year and a divorce two months after filing;

8. North Carolina: A one-year separation before you can file for divorce;

9. New Jersey: Six months separation before filing for divorce; and

10. Maryland: A one-year separation before filing for divorce. Another year before the divorce is final.

The first thing you should do is not to set your goals to high, because you are setting yourself up for failure. Your financial goals should take top priority. Carrying too much debt is bad for anybody.  You should  make a concerted effort to pay off all your credit card debt. Then you should consciously try not to pull out your credit card so quickly to pay for something. Think about this:  if you had to write a check or pay cash for it, would you buy it? You would probably think twice about buying it and probably not do it.

Saving for your retirement is also very important.  The more you put in, the more you will have when you need it.  Regular investing is the key. Social Security may not be there when you need it, and it doesn’t pay that much anyway.