Being a parent is the hardest job in the world, especially in today’s world. Try throwing a divorce into the mix and it is really gets complicated. When you are married, you usually agree on how to parent your children—but when you are divorced everything can be a battle.

So many co-parenting problems come down to control. Trying to control the other parent and our children; refusing to be controlled by the other parent; and the fear of losing control of our children or losing their love. Some of our exes are not co-parenting partners but someone we must repeatedly emancipate ourselves and our children from in the never-ending battles for control. It cannot always go the way you think it should, and whose to say that your way of doing things is always right.

When two parents are always fighting for control, the losers are your children. Think about it. It’s better to chose your battles and not fight about every little thing. Being friends is so important.

Some things you should and shouldn’t do:

1. If you get an email or a voicemail from your ex that is meant to provoke you, just ignore it. Pretend like you never read or heard  it. But if it is something important, be sure to answer right away.

2. Don’t ever put your children in the middle by having them relay messages to you ex. If you have something to say to him or her, say it yourself.

3. Be flexible about the visitation schedule because you never know when you will need the same courtesy.

4. If you are the parent paying maintenance and/or child support, pay it on time. The parent who has custody probably needs the money to survive.

5. Always keep your ex involved in your kids lives. Always include the other parent in parent/teacher conferences. They need to be involved in their education. Always tell them about activities that your children are involved in, so that they may attend them if they want to. Let them know if your child or children get sick. They are probably paying the doctor bills.

6. Keep all grandparents involved in your children’s lives. Even if you don’t like your exes parents, they are still your children’s grandparents.

7. Most important of all, don’t bad-mouth your ex to your children. Don’t put them in the middle. It is harmful for them emotionally, and no good will come from it.