When you fall in love, “liking” and “lusting” are two factors that are in play. Like and lust diminish over time, but at different rates. According to studies, liking declines at a rate of 3 percent a year, while lusting deteriorates faster at 8 percent a year. If you really like the person, more than just lusting over him or her, you have a much better chance of making the relationship last.

So, are you looking for a fling? A marriage? Do you want stability or a hot affair? Once you know what you are looking for, than carefully assess the person’s traits. “Positive illusory bias” is when a person inflates the positive personality traits and future potential of their mates. Don’t fall into this trap. Listen to what your family, friends and even strangers have to say about this person. You must take seriously those early red flags—things that we think we can change. You can’t change someone. If you chose someone with traits that drive you crazy or upset you while you’re dating, it’s only going to get worse as time goes on. Unfortunately, because of the magic tricks that love plays on perception, we often don’t see the telltale signs until it’s too late.

Do you know that according to a 2010 Gallup Poll, 88% of people believe in soul mates; 3 in 10 people will find enduring love (the other 7 % either will divorce or are unhappily married), at least 30% of married partners will cheat; and only 2.5% of people in the U.S. would marry someone they are not in love with, if the person had everything they desire in a mate.