Divorce is a traumatic experience, but no one should stay in an abusive relationship! Of course that’s easy to say—and more difficult to leave an abusive husband.

Usually in an abusive relationship/marriage the husband is very controlling, and it is difficult for a woman to make the break. Typically, these women know very little about their family finances because their husbands have made sure that they have total control over them. They are also scared of what will happen to them.  A woman in an abusive relationship lives under the threat of physical violence if their husband gets angry.

If you are in an abusive relationship, you need to seek help. There are community-based organizations and other professionals who can offer you assistance. But you must immediately start taking steps for your exit. Some things you should do:

1. First you should be your own detective. Routinely go through your husband’s papers and make copies of anything that would be relevant in a divorce (bank statements, financial institution statements, mortgage statements, etc.)  Never keep anything in your home or in a safe deposit box—but with a friend or relative. One of the first things that happens in a divorce is that your safe deposit box will be sealed.

2. Get a post office box using a friend’s or relative’s address so that you can receive correspondence without your husband having access or knowing what you are doing. You should also get another email account. Do not, under any circumstances use your home computer or phone—it is very easy for your husband to install spyware in either of these. You can go to the library or internet cafe to check or send emails from this account.

3. Open a bank account in your own name, using your post office box as the address, and start putting money in it.

4. Get credit cards in your name only. A couple of bank cards (American Express being one) and a department store credit card. Charge a little every month to establish credit.

5. Change all your pin codes.

4. You can get a prepaid cell phone and prepaid debit cards so you have them in an emergency.

Abuse is about power and control. You must take the right steps to regain control of your life and your finances. Get the professional help you need to give you the emotion support to help you get out of your abusive relationship. You have to protect yourself and your children.

The website www.preparefordivorce.com and the eBook “The Divorce Survival Guide for Women” are chock-full of information you will need.